What is life?

It's been awhile since i wrote a personal blog. After Larry's death I basically let a part of me die with him. I didn't think there was anything in my life that was worth blogging about. Besides work I really don't have much hobbies. The only thing that makes me slightly happy is singing. However I guess i shouldn't have even started that either.

I use to think my perfect profession was being a lawyer because I was very very good at arguing. However as I grow older I find myself less willing to argue and more willing to listen. Not everything needs to be argued and not every fight has to be won. If my silence can make another feel better about the situation that is the path I will choose. I have changed a lot these couple of years. I use to push everything I do to the max. Winning was my drive. I wanted to win in everything I do.

My mom is a single mother. I was the oldest. People tend to take advantage of those incomplete families. Just because there isn't a male figure in our lives, doesn't mean we are less valued than anyone else. At a young age I quickly took on task in being the strong one in the family. If the television was broken, I would take care of it. If the blender didn't work, I would fix it. I hated asking help from anyone. This has turned my personality into a very stubborn and unforgiving one. I wanted every single task I do to be perfect if not near perfect. I use to have to leave school early and go save my poor mother for getting into situations like unknowingly sign a contract where she has to pay a certain amount for something she doesn't know. I hate people who take advantage of those who english is obviously not their first language. This is why I swore I would become someone someday to bring my mom the respect she deserves. I wanted people to congratulate her for her job well done raising such successful kids. This way no one will ever pick on us again. However my strong persona didn't work well for me in school. I don't know why I never say anything when I am the one who is being bullied but yet when it happens to someone I love, a different side of me come forth. Even till this day, nothing bothers me when it's said about me. However if something is said to someone i care about, I turn into a different person.

Maybe it's because I feel like I've been dead for 6 years. There is too much in life I've missed. I don't want to miss any opportunity for happiness. I use to put my everything and everyone else before my own wants and needs. I thought as long as the people around me is safe and happy that is all I need in life. However Larry's death taught me that what I had control over was really not within my control.

It’s naive to think that just because something horrible happened to you that horrible things won’t happen again. 

"Life is too short to sit around waiting for the next bad thing to happen."

 If you want or want to do something, don’t think, just do it. Not everything has to be calculated. Do what makes you happy, because if you don’t, no one else will.

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