I'm back!!!! again....

Hello my lovely followers! Do i still have followers?? lol

It's been like two years since i've blogged. I had some personal issues and it stopped me from doing the things I once enjoyed doing. For example, blogging, making tutorials, doing reviews, and just simply interact with people. I believe most of you follow me on facebook, so you guys probably know that I've been depressed and just went spiraling down uncontrollably. I was traumatized by the Murder of Larry and wasn't able to pick myself up.  Every trauma that happened in my life just knocked me down farther from reality. I lost motivation in my work, I lost interest in spending time with friends and family. I would just hide in my room and made my world smaller to protect myself. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to talk to anyone about my problems. I mean after all I am a Boss. I held on to my ego, and that tormented me. Because of my lack of movement, i started gaining weight. At one point i was at 200 pounds. I went from 125 pounds to 200 pounds. I was so embarrassed, I didn't want to see anyone. Stepping out of the house I am risking someone seeing me. I gave myself the excuse that if my customers see me, they would not shop at Pretty&Cute anymore.

However those were just negative lies that my brain has created to keep me depressed. After years of just allowing this disease consume me, I finally got helped. It took me a long time to pick myself backup. I no longer blame myself for all the bad things that has happened in life. I no longer feel pitiful, and I am no longer angry at life. When i encounter stress, i automatically tell myself.

"You can't always control what happens, but you can control how you react."

I am slowly losing weight. I started showing my face again. I slowly got back to work. I created positive structure for myself which ultimately will become good habits. I now know the importance of structure. Without structure we are lost and just don't know what to do with ourselves. I mean yes, sleeping in and not getting out of bed is nice, once in a while. If we take for granted of this luxury, we will eventually get sick of it and by that time we would of lost ourselves and have to learn how to become part of society again. I don't regret what happened to me, that is part of my history I cannot change. What i can change is my future. When i got back to work, not a single one of my customers mentioned my weight. Not one of them behaved like I imagined. All the horrible things I told myself was all in my head. I am grateful that I have people I can rely on, or else i wouldn't have a job to go back to. Pretty&Cute would of closed down and the sad thing is the old me wouldn't have cared one bit...

Because of my absence and self pity I let the people who supported me down. For this, I apologize. I never intended to make the people who believed in me worry about me. To my family and friends I'm sorry I wasn't there for you guys when you needed me. Thank you for still being apart of my life. For my Pretty&Cute staff, thank you girls so much for keeping Pretty&Cute at float even without a leader. I cannot imagine it to be easy working for a company where you have no idea what direction it's going towards.

"Sincerely, From the bottom of my heart, Thank you"

The beauty industry has changed so much since I've been gone. There is a lot for me to learn and a lot of discussions ahead of me... I am excited ^_^ !!

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