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Sorry for the lack of post lately, I simply don't have enough inspiration to right. All i can think about is my cousin and my aunt. I am very close to all my aunt, especially this aunt. She is my mom's sister, she is like a second mother to me. How can a tall healthy man all of the sudden have only 3 more years to live?

Yesterday i got a phone call from my mom telling me my younger cousin Franky is diagnose with throat cancer. I could not breath, i don't know how to react. I am fully aware that death is a part of life and everyone has to go through it, but why him? He is so young, he shouldn't have to be put through this. He has always been healthy. He is tall, big, and strong. If you guys met him you would never guest he was sick. I thought about dropping everything and fly over there and be with my family, but my mom said even if i came there wouldn't be anything i can do to change the fact. I feel so guilty, i feel like i am being a bad cousin if i can't drop everything i am doing to comfort him.

I can't drop everything and go, I have 4 families to support. If i drop everything I would be letting them down. I feel so weak. I have always considered myself as a smart person, and there is nothing i can't solve or handle if i put my mind to it. I thought about it all day and night, but i still can't come up with a solution. The doctor said he is at his last stage and the cancer is reproducing way too fast.

My aunt only has one son. She is almost 60 years old. She doesn't deserve this. She is the nicest person you can ever meet. She lives a humble life, she saves every penny and don't waste anything. I often send her money and she would not accept. She never took advantage of me, instead encourage me, and i feel like i can't even save the only thing that she feels wealthy of having.

I am trying to be optimistic, but how can I when i am healthy and living here when he is suffering. What if it was me? How will my mom take it? I am lucky, if anything happens to me my mom still has my brother. I know as i get older, more people i love will be leaving me, but i didn't expect this soon, and i didn't expect it to be a younger family member.

4 comments:

  1. Oh gosh, Janie. I am so sorry to hear you got such terrible news. It's always terrible when life sees fit to remind us that as lovely ass the world is, it is only fleeting.

    I know that no sympathetic words truly make circumstances like this better, but some classic advice stays true: stay busy, stay you, and stay strong. You continuing to develop as a person is exactly what anyone who loves you would want.

    If it'd help, you could always send a letter or email or something: I find that writing things down on paper is easier than saying them aloud, often.

    Anyway, get some sleep, take a long bath or shower, unwind, etc. Worry, love, bitterness, confusion, and so many other things are normal, but do your best to stay unstressed.

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  2. i'm terribly sorry to hear that. I do hope your aunt hold strong and try to spend as much time as possible with him. It is important to remember not how short time is, but that there is STILL time to create much more memories together so why not make them happy memories so both parties can smile when reminiscing?

    I think you're amazing for supporting so many people. I admire that a lot. You're a very strong person, but sometimes you have to let fate take its course. There are things you cannot control sometimes, but it doesn't mean you dont want to help. Try to keep yourself busy like the comment above suggested. Don't focus so much on the negativity, that won't do any good for both you and your aunt.

    Just because you are not there with them, you can always call them. I'm sorry for what's happening, but please do not beat yourself over for not being able to fly over there and help.

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  3. Oh Janie!! I am so sorry to hear this sad news.. T.T
    I totally know what you mean about wanting to drop everything sometimes, but I know that you will stay strong!!
    You are truly inspirational and I really admire your work ethic. I believe in miracles and I will pray that there will be a miracle for your cousin.

    Much loves. xoxox

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  4. thanks guys. I am trying. I am trying to be more optimistic about things. I made a promise to take care of my aunt financially when my cousin is gone... it's so hard, but thank you so much for all the kind words and support. <3

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