There are days when i doubt myself. I thought the first step of accomplishing something was believing in it. I never knew how hard that first step was. When we were kids the adults would teach us "Follow your dreams," but i wish they would tell us to dream small instead of big. How awful it must be to dream of something so big and not being able to do it. Ever since i was a little girl my one and only goal was to be able to be the sole provider for my family. I grew up not having a father, and that is okay, i accepted that. My mother is someone who is SIMPLE. She is like someone who you just feel like you have to protect. Her life is a never ending sad story. If i was to write a book about all the things she went through i bet it would be a top seller.
I am the oldest in my family. I kind of took on the role of being the protective one. My little brother is now 16 years old, but he is still a baby. Being able to give my family a better life than what we had would be a dream come true. Granted, our lives were a lot better than most people, like homeless or people who lives in shelters, but it was still a very hard struggle.
I am very envious of people who had a good childhood, mainly because i didn't have mine for very long. I've always wonder when i was be able to stop stressing about every one's life including my own to re-live some of those childhood memories. Talk about impossible huh?
As we were growing up my mom have this fear about us growing up to be "Too Proud." She wanted us to be humble no matter what stage we were at in life. I often told her, "mom what exactly do we have to be proud of." Now to think back at it, what i said probably broke her heart. We have each other that was the only thing that really mattered to my mom.
My father is a very successful business man. Just by the title "Successful business man," can you imagine the dramas my mom had to deal with? When a man has money, it's like a woman in the park who feed pigeons. You attract endless flocks of pigeon who wants to be fed. He is a powerful man really. He just don't have a heart. My mom never said anything bad about him besides the fact that he got with another woman. I always saw him not as an idol, but someone i want to beat. Not beat up, but compete in business. I am his daughter, some of the ability to be successful should rub off right? Besides, i have something that he doesn't. I have my mother's kind heart.
When you grew up poor, no one wants to be near you or be your friend. Maybe that is why i am so grateful of those who are truly nice to me and help me. I mean i still don't have a lot of friends, but that is mainly because the older you get people's intentions change base on who they make friends with. The ones who do treat me as a friend with no condition i am truly grateful for. Those people are on my list to repay when i make it in life. Yes i have a list! Life can be too short or it can be really long depends on the timing. The people who has help me today might not need my help now, but tomorrow might be a different story. My door is always open as long as i am able to accommodate their request.