One of the biggest obstacles of growing up for me has to be self-esteem. I never truly believed i belonged. I grew up in a small town and everyone was so different in their own ways. I couldn't find myself connect to anyone real. It wasn't easy growing up being the only Asian girl in your school. Can you imagine the things people would say to me to make me feel like an outcast?

I always thought, well if i was a little prettier people would not be mean to me. If i looked a certain way people would respect me. I use to ask my mom why she gave birth to such an ugly daughter. I didn't remember much of her reaction because i was so blinded by my own pain, but i am sure my words hurt her more than it hurt me.

I think it's important for me to blog this part of my life. Because it stuck with me to who i am today. There are still times when i look in the mirror and not like what i see. My imperfections reminds me of how cruel society is.

I think even the most beautiful/famous girls in the world has question her self-worth. Why is it so surprising that someone like us have the same issues?


  1. We're definitely our own hardest critic. When I was going through a hard time one of my friends told me a story about onigiri which, I think she got from an anime, but it still helped me a lot. She said that onigiri all have ume on their backs but because it's on their back, they're never able to see it, so they often get jealous of each other for the beautiful pickled plum. The moral of her story was that we're able to see all this good in others that they're not able to see in themselves and also that because our ume is on our backs, we have a harder time seeing the good in ourselves while others are able to see it clearly. :)

    On a side note, I think you're really beautiful on the inside and out. <3

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  3. Janien, I would do a makeup tutorial for you site but I dont have enough time! I dont even have time to stop by your house to get me more lenses! LOL.. Thats how hectic my life is!! ahahahh!! Anyway when I do have the time i will make one for you! =)